i've been watching a lot of youtube videos recently, mostly fashion and lifestyle vloggers and i'm always pleased when i find an 'alternitive fashion' blogger. over these past few days i have found a lot. including the youtuber, pixielocks, who inspired this post with her video 'my fashion identity'.



my fashion identity is something i think about a lot, which is odd because i think if you knew me you wouldn't think i care that much about fashion, but i do. i like knowing what's in fashion and what's not, even if i don't necessarily keep up with those trends. the 'style issue' i am dealing with at the moment is that i don't want my style to be the same as what is 'trending', but i want it to still be relatively stylish, i also like the idea of belonging to some kind of style. 

whether it be goth, lolita or pin-up, i like the idea of having a set style and sticking to it, throwing out everything i own that doesn't fit with the style and buying a whole new wardrobe. money reasons aside, this plan isn't feasible for me - simply put, i like too many different looks. and in the past when i have put myself inside a clothing box (not literally) i end up not feeling too good about it. 

i went through a phase earlier this year where i loved clothes that would usually be found in the men's department. i based what i chose to wear each day on the outfits worn by jack kilmer, cole becker or kristen stewart and for a while i really enjoyed it - i like the androgynous kind of look and wearing 'boys' clothes and no make-up was super comfortable. but something started to happen, the thing that is the bane of most teenagers lives and that is, comparison. i would see girls in my classes wearing make-up and dresses and heels and i wouldn't feel good about myself. similarly, if i went shopping and found a skirt that i liked i would tell myself that it didn't fit with my style, so there would be no point in getting it.

i restricted myself to the point where i had such little self expression and it was no longer fun to fit with a specific style.

then i decided to forget about the tom-boy look and just buy what i wanted and what i thought was cute. this is why now i have probably too many vintage items that in no way fit with any of my clothing. 

i feel like i'm not 'hipster' enough to be hipster (my purple docs hurt my feet) and i'm not grunge enough to be grunge (i class grunge as kurt cobain and it isn't true grunge if you're trying, i also get that grunge is a music style not a fashion but eh). i wish i could happily mix styles and most of the time i can, but sometimes i just really want a clear direction that i could base all of my clothing and hair choices around. 

i've tried recently to categorise my style myself, i was going with 'pixie grunge' - taking inspiration for creepy cute and j fashion. but i also really like 70's style clothing and wearing mom jeans, vans and scrunchies, so, to sum this up I Have No Idea what i am doing or what i am going to do. but that can be applied to more than style in my life.

p.s

i spend many hours on pinterest looking for style inspiration, most of it i gain from either vloggers, celebrities or specific decades, and as i would like something productive to come out of that time, i am going to make a style inspo post next, possibly along with a guide to thrifting.